Chazz Ellis once again answering the questions you ask me. Right now I'm answering the questions
based on alot of stuff that yall have been saying and I kinda picked up on some stuff
that alot of yall wanted to ask. The question that I'm answering today is how can you tell
when somebodys playing games.
Alot of yall ask some questions that kind of make me feel
like this is something that people really want to know or needed to know. Ok, first
thing that we are going to do, because we are going to get right into it because it
is kinda long. The first thing we are going to do is say
why people play games. People play games for one reason and one reason only.
Because they
don't think that they have any other way to keep you interested. They feel like that is
the only method that they can use to keep you interested. Ok, it's like this. If i'm
a guy and trying to talk to you and trying to get some type of relationship going, but
I'm not in a position to be in a monogomous relationship with you because either I don't
want to, I'm talking to somebody else, what ever the case may be, it really doesn't even
matter, I'm doing it that way right.
So, how are you going to keep being interested in
me if I don't come up with something. I can't really give you what you want. So, I have
to do something to keep you interested until either I can give you what you want or until
I'm no longer interested in you. So there's a reason why you see alot of the mixed signals
the hot and cold that kind of thing.
You see alot of that because it keeps you interested
because it keeps you going what in the hell is going on with this dude. Guys you do the
same thing with women where alot of women they feel like the last dude that they had
sex with stopped talking to them and doesn't want anything to do with them, and they may
feel like that may have happened to them several times. So, for some women, what they will
do is they will feel like, "If I give this guy sex then he won't want me anymore because
I won't have anything else that he wants. So what I'm going to do is try to play these
games with this dude this whole time to keep him interested because I can't keep him interested
without giving him sex and if he gets sex then he's going to stop being interested in
me.
So I'm going to have to figure out a way to work this out so I'm just going to play
these games." That's why people play games because in reality, there are two ways to
keep a person interested. There's the girlfriend boyfriend way and that's when, "I want to
be your girlfriend, I want to be your boyfriend; so what I do is I do things to endear myself
to you and make myself indisposable to you. You know I help you with things, I may cook
for you, I may be there for you when you need a particular thing, that makes you love me
more and want to be around me more. That makes you need me.
That's the girlfriend/boyfriend
way. To do things for you, to be there for you emotionally, physically, mentally to make
themselves seem better for you and seem like somebody that you want in your life. Then
there is the number two way and that is the jerkface way. Yea, I said it.
The jerkface
way is, I'm not going to give you what you want, I'm not going to give you what you need.
Where all I'm going to do is play these games, where I'm so enigmatic that you have no choice
but to keep trying to investigate what the hell makes me do the things that I do. Thus,
keeping you interested. It pisses you off because the jerkface way is just annoying.
Ok, the first sign, (ok and I'm going to tell you right now, some of yall, this is going
to be so specific to your situation and your life, that you might think i was in your brain
or something. This happens to people, you would be surprised, this is going to sound
specific to you in some cases because it might be from some of your questions, but I promise
you that this is happening all around the world).
Ok, the first sign, They always want
to know what you are feeling about them but they are vague about their feelings towards
you. If you notice that someone is playing games with you, the first thing they will
do is say "Well how do you feel about me, well where do you think this is going." They
will ask you these type of indepth questions about your feeling and then when you come
back and say "well ok, what do you think" They will say "well, I don't know, I'm trying
to see where it goes, I'm trying to...Wtf, why are you asking me that then if you are
going to sit there..." Because they are trying to get a baseline of how you feel and not
try to give you anything in return." That's what these people do. The second sign you get is they constantly
make plans and then cancel them without calling you or giving you any real reason why. When
I say they constantly make plans, I mean they constantly make the plans.
They'll call you
up and be like "Hey, we need to chill this weekend, let's do this" and your like "ok,
cool, well that sounds good," and then they will cancel the plans all of a sudden and
they will be like, "well I know you are disappointed or some BS like that" and you will be like
"well you called me! What did you call me for if all you were going to do was cancel
the plans And you do this consistently, WTF!" Ok, the third sign, and this is one of the
big ones. This one lets you know how much someone is playing games. They disappear for
days, weeks, some people even months at a time only to come back and act like nothing
ever happened. They'll diappear and then pop back up and you will be like "wth is wrong
with you, what is wrong with you! You call me and talk to me, and then next thing you
know you just disappear, and you don't give me a reason why or anything, you come back
and you act like nothing happened." Like "oh hey, what are you up to.
What do you mean
what am I up to. Uh I haven't seen you in months, why are you talking to me, why did
you even call me?" The forth thing, they make heartfelt apologies,
this is what these people do. They make heartfelt apologies, "I'm so sorry I did that. I'm going
through alot in my life right now" and they will have different excuses.
"Im going through
alot in my life right now. My uncle just died." Your thinking to yourself, well if they didn't
really care about me then why would they take the time out to make this heartfelt apology.
Why would they even make up a lie like this. There is no reason for them to make up a stupid
ass lie like this. There must be some truth to it and they'll do that.
They'll make these
big heartfelt apologies only to turn right back around and do the same thing again. Not
some form of the thing. The exact same thing! And they'll continue to do this for as long
as they can do this. And it will throw you off because of the heartfelt apologies.
Number five, They respond to harsh criticism
and I mean harsh criticism. They respond to things like you just play all these games,
your crazy as f***, I don't want nothing to do with you. You can go send them a text message
where you just go nuts on them and just talk about how worthless they are and they will
respond with an apology and just being very understanding to what you are saying. They
normally don't get mad.
They'll sit there and go "ok, i'm sorry" If you say you don't
ever want to see them again. They will say Ok, I understand, I have been messing up.
You can sit there and tell them that you never want to see them again as long as you live
and guess what they will do. "Ok, I understand. No, no that makes sinse.
Ok, I messed up I
ruined everything." But then, right after that, They'll try to find a new way to reconnect
with you. After you just talked crap about them, made them feel like crap, just said
everything negative that you could think of to say negative about them they will come
right back and try to make some sort of reconnection with you. Your like well if they are trying
to make a reconnection with me they must feel somewhat apologetic for what they did and
get it now because I cussed them out pretty bad but you get the same thing. The last thing that lets you know that you
are dealing with somebody that is playing games is they leave you feeling empty, frustrated,
and angry after each encounter but you find yourself always wanting more.
You find your
self always wanting more. You find yourself always wanting to be around them a little
more. "If I could see them a little more than maybe things would change. If I could figure
something out, figure out what is going on in thier head, maybe something will change.
But every time you end up frustrated, you end up angry, you end up upset.
Now while I was sitting here telling you guys
this you were sitting here saying why the hell do we put up with this shit. Like why
is this person playing games. Like some of you are going through this right now some
of you have been through this in the past and you are asking yourself well why the hell
did I put up with it? Why does anybody put up with this crap. It is infuriating.
Well
I'm going to tell you why, because you are constantly chasing. You don't have time to
think about the fact that you don't like this person because you are constantly chasing
ghosts. Usually when you get in a situation like these where they are playing games. It's
really somebody that you didn't like that much in the beginning.
It was somebody that
you maybe thought well maybe we'll have a little short term relationship with them maybe
get something going whatever. But it's usually somebody that you didn't like that much in
the beginning. It's usually not somebody that you were over the moon about when you first
met them. It's usally some one who you felt was decent enough that you could be in a relationship
with but not necessarily someone who you were planning to spend the rest of your life with.
It's usually not somebody that you went in with the best of intentions in that.
Relationship.
Its usually somebody that you were like, "okay, this person is cool, you know, I'm kind of
lonely, I kinda don't have anything to do right now, they work; or, this chick is cool,
I might smash or whatever. You might have had that kind of mind set or what ever when
you went into this situation. But then, the fact that they started playing these sort
of games the way they did, it made you confused. You didn't know what to think so the detective
in you started kicking in and once the detective in you starts kicking in you aren't chasing
them, you are chasing an answer.
And when you are chasing an answer you are going to
chase it to the end of the earth. You know people still looking to find out the meaning
of life. People are looking to find out how old the earth is exactly. People are looking
to these answers.
People chase answers for ever. Your whole lifetime you can spend chasing
the answers and they'll never give you one. Usually what ends up happening and the reason
why you stop talking to that person is either A. They come to you and you are like, "Man
I don't want you, Now I got you I don't want you" Because that's all you are doing anyway.
You are trying to chase them so you can get them.
You can figure out the answer and then
you don't want them anymore. You want the opportunity to dump them and make them feel
just as badly as they have been making you feel. That chase is what keeps you involved.
That chase for the answer is what keeps you involved. That's why you put up with it.
It's
not because of them. Its not because they're so great, its because of the fact that you
are chasing. So what do you do about it. You know I am
not going to tell you something without giving you a solution.
The first thing you have to
do is stop trying to play the game. As long as you play the game they are always going
to be winning. See what they do with you is they start out already liking you they already
liked you. YOu had something to offer that they wanted.
They don't feel like they had
enough to offer for you but they felt like you had what they wanted and because you have
what they want they're going to like you either way but the way that they get control of you
is to get you down to thier level playing these games because once you start playing
those games it makes them be in a situation where they don't like you as much and they
can get more control. Because now they kind of have you where they want you. They get
you pissed off at them right; you talk bad about them; you tell them how stupid and how
worthless they are, that helps them because that keeps them able to play these games with
you because now they don't feel as bad. Now they don't feel like they are losing as much.
They said "oh, well this is what you really think of me, that helps them, it helps them
not like you as much which gives them more strenth.
As long as you are playing the game
they can play with you. So what you want to do is stop playing. Be real with them be totally
100% honest with them. "Hey, you know what, I don't really have time for this right now.
You know I liked you in the beginning, I still like you but your confusing me.
I don't really
know if I like you anymore because you just confuse me and i don't know if I really want
to deal with this anymore. I'm sorry but this is crazy to me. It seems like you are just
playing these games." They are just going to come back with thier same old same old
and ever time that they do just come back with, "I don't even know what you are doing,
What are you doing." Be real with the person. Stop trying to get the upper hand on them
because that is what you are doing.
You keep trying to get the upper hand on them so that
you can put them in the position that you are in. Guess what it isn't ever going to
happen. You are never going to do to them what they are doing to you because that's
there way. You're playing an away game and you are not going to win and that's the big
thing.
You have to stop playing the game and you have to stop trying to win. Realize that
you are not really interested in them and you are only interested in winning. Stop trying
to win. When you just stop trying to when and you accept the fact that you know what
this may not work out they got the best of me in this situation.
Okay cool. Once you
accept that fact and you stop trying to win, they lose all thier power. Because you are
no longer playing the game and when you are playing the game that is the only way that
they can win. That's the only way that they can keep you interested in them.
When you
just start saying you know what, "Whatever, you won, okay bye." When they come back to
you and start trying to talk to you it's totally different. The situation is totally different
because you aren't chasing anymore. They say hey do you want to hang out this weekend and
you say "naw, not really. I don't really have time to.
I'm really trying to cultivate relationships
with other people right now you know and I. Think you are really getting in the way of
that. When you come real with someone like that and you tell them what is really going
on that flusters them. They feel like they are losing something now.
They don't know
what to do. So that is what you have to do. Keep it real, stop playing the game. When
you stop playing the game you get back to who you are and you get back to the reason
why they liked you and that's going to make you get your control back.
Once again, it's
your man Chazz Ellis. If you have any comments or questions put it in the box below. Alot
of yall have been going to the like page and its getting popping a little bit. I appreciate
that please go to the AskChazzEllis like page on facebook and hit me up.
You know let's
get that moving. Peace.
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